New image posted to my Epilogue.net gallery. First one in a long while.

Giving It A Name

Alzheimer’s Disease.

Maybe it is. Maybe it ain’t. Maybe she’s diabetic. Maybe she’s just eighty-two years old.

If it is Alzheimer’s, we’ve had a doctor tell us that she’s got three to five years to live. That’s assuming that something else doesn’t kill her. Heart attack. Stroke. Pneumonia. Some weird blood disease that I haven’t heard of.

It’s easy to pick Alz because it’s a popular disease. Popular in that there’s a lot of money researching it and trying to develop cures. A new medicine is hitting the market this month that supposedly cuts down on the cognitive collapse associated with Alz. Whether or not we would be able to get it prescribed for Aged Mother would depend on whether we could get her to see a doctor. And we do need to get her to a doctor anyway. We need to have something that will keep her asleep on those nights when we’re no longer fresh enough to serve her without anger. There’s nothing available over the counter that will do that.

Alz means that her brain will shut down, a bit at a time, until there’s not enough of it left to run her body. As that happens she’ll forget – where she is, what she’s doing, who we are.

Survey Says

I found this over at Starship Tim and filed it away for one of those moments when I’d be sitting at the table waiting for the next thing to do. Seems like this is one of those moments, so –

What did you do in 2003 that you’d never done before?

Shopped for diapers. Adult diapers. We won’t get in to what that also means I did this year that I’ve never done before.

Did you keep your new years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year?

Nizzibet and I get together on New Year’s Day to go over how the previous year had gone, look at what we need and want in the coming year and then make plans for how to support each other in getting those needs and wants met.

We did fairly well last year. Most of what we’re trying to accomplish has long term goals. We did our planning again on the first and are making adjustments for the coming year.

Did anyone close to you give birth?

Apparently Cherie did. Which gives me a sense of how far away I am from those I consider close.

Did anyone close to you die?

Pam Chappell. Marcus Chappell. Scott Tolson.

What countries did you visit?

Nizzibet and I went up to Canada soon after we got our new car. Big ol’ exciting day trip. Got rained on.

What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?

Much more time with old friends. More completed creative projects. Travel.

What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

November 1st – Aged Mother arrived from California. The screaming starts.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Doing more illustrations this year than in the previous two.

What was your biggest failure?

Getting The Cauldron completed for launch. Getting stalled on Miracle Max.

Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nothing unusual.

What was the best thing you bought?

The car. I don’t get terribly excited about cars but having it has made our lives much easier.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

Hmm. Jaydogg kept up on dishes and cleaning even after AM moved in?

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

No one I know personally.

Where did most of your money go?

Rent. Insurance. Medicine. Food. Gas. Electric. Water. Garbage removal. Only a very tiny percentage went to anything in the arts and leisure food group.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Not one darn thing. Not that it was a bad year. I just don’t do really, really, really excited much anymore.

What song will always remind you of 2003?

I so don’t pay attention to music. Love it. Just don’t pay that much attention.

Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. Happier or sadder? Don’t remember honestly.

ii. thinner or fatter? Don’t know. I don’t think I weighed myself last year.

iii. richer or poorer? I might be richer. But it would be to such a tiny degree that I wouldn’t bother trying to measure it.

What do you wish you’d done more of?

More art, always. Spent more time with friends. Gotten more letters written.

What do you wish you’d done less of?

Don’t know that there was much that I wish I’d done less of. Though there’s plenty that I wish I hadn’t had to do as much of. There is a slight distinction.

How will you be spending Christmas?

With the Nizz of course.

Did you fall in love in 2003?

Every day.

How many one-night stands?

What are those again?

What was your favorite TV program?

Firefly. Seen on DVD so that probably doesn’t count.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

My hate is pretty stable and predictable. No need to add any new objects of disgust and loathing to any already long list.

What was the best book you read?

Best? I don’t do best declarations very well. Too much relativity in my thinking.

What was your greatest musical discovery of 2003?

Pink. That was 2003 wasn’t it? And I can hardly claim to have discovered her. Or, really, paid very much attention once I did. I am so not a music person.

What did you want and get?

Some books. Too many to mention at the moment.

What did you want and not get?

See answer above. Regular art time.

What was your favorite film of 2003?

I can’t remember what came out in 2003. At the moment I’m not too sure what movies have come out in the last few months.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I had a birthday?

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Having the time and focus to make significant progess on some of the creative projects that have occupied my imagination the last few years.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?

Wear clean clothes. Only buy and wear clothes I like.

What kept you sane?

I’m sane?

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I doubt that any celeb occupied my thoughts long enough to grow into a full blown fancy.

What political issue stirred you the most?

Stirred? Sorry. Pretty numb. I vote. I think about the best choices to make. Otherwise fundamentally cynical. Today. The sun isn’t up yet.

Who did you miss?

See list on December 24th. And me. I missed me a lot this year.

Who was the best new person you met?

I met a few good people through the Church. Can’t say I really got out much though.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003:

Patience and more patience. How to generate it on the spot. Again and again.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

There’s an old Pink Floyd song called, I think, “Several Small Furry Animals Gathered Together In A Cave And Grooving With A Pict”. Any 30 seconds out of that song would sum things up.

FUCK

Fuckfuckfuckfuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck.

Yup. Still a satisfying word.

Big news on this front is that I changed formats to daily archiving. Yeah. I’m really really excited too.

Does sarcasm translate to strangers? Not that any of y’all are. When I was younger I noticed that most of what came of my mouth sounded sarcastic whether it was meant to be or not. I’ve tried to make more of distinction between my sarcastic voice and, at least, my complimentary voice, if not my other voices.

Aged Mother is about to finish her second glass of eggnogg. Soon the stores will stop carrying it and we’ll have to find something else to put her arsenic in.

The excitement here never ceases.

Didn’t Make It

No Return of the King last night. Our friend got sick so we stayed home. Got Aged Mother to bed relatively early.

I’m up early having helped AM with some business at about four a.m.. Sent some long overdue emails. Did a little more updating on Sentient 39. Need to make a list of the pages that should get updated. Check it off as I fix one.

Now it’s time to wake AM for breakfast.

Rain hasn’t washed away the snow. Expecting another sloshy walk to work.

Looks Like Rain

Today’s walk to work looks like it will be a wet one. Snow still covers the ground but there appears to be a light rain falling on it. From the porch I can’t tell if the rain is icing over on the ground or just turning the snow to slush. Should be fun either way.

Ultimately I’m hoping that the rain is melting this mess. Much as I enjoy the snow, Seattle isn’t a snow town. The sensible part of it just shuts down. The stupid part of it keeps driving.

And, selfishly, Nizzibet and I were planning to see Return of the King tonight. We have a volunteer who has agreed to watch Aged Mother but her coming here (and us making it to the theatre) is dependent on having clear roads.

Write Damn You!

You. On the list. From the 24th. Write. Get yourself a weblog and write.

I understand if you only write intermittently. I understand if all that gets written is a description of your less than exciting visit to the DMV. Sometimes that’s what life looks like.

You think you don’t have anything to say? Worry not. There are over a million weblogs out there right now and more are getting created all the time. Most of them have less than a dozen readers. If those stats down the page are any indication there are around ten people a deal reading my ramblings. Don’t waste your time writing for the masses. Write for the entertainment of it. Write to get it out. Write for me.

Not just ’cause it’s all about me. You may not think it’s all about me. I’m cool with that. Occasionally I consider the possibility that the world doesn’t exist just for my amusement.

Cause I want to know what’s going on with you. Tell me about your kids. Or your motorcycle. Or your redecoration. The new job. The lack of job. The cat. The dog. The feeling of impending doom. The latest book you read or movie you watched or what the weather is like. If you’re more tech savvy than I, get yourself one of the alternatives to Blogger. One that allows comments. Not that you’ll hear from me much.

I’m lame that way. I write most of my posts in between getting the Aged Mother breakfast. After that my ability to hold a linear thought gets taken up at work. By evening I’m good for holding a conversation with Nizzibet and little else. That’s my excuse.

Write.

And let me know you’re doing it. My address is down there above the meaningless statistics. Just remove the spaces around the @.

Cheers!

Because My Opinion is SOOO Important

Latest Entertainments –

Bulletproof Monk –

the Movie. Haven’t read the comic. Might be brilliant. The movie is fun. Many silly stunts. The leads play off each other pretty well. But …

Enough with the Nazis as villains. Yeah, Nazis are Evil. Yeah they had fashion sense. So what? They’re easy.

Compliments to Chow Yung Fat on the improvement to his English speaking skills. He’s picked it up pretty fast. He could use some more baritone in his voice for that action hero thrust but that my cultural/personal prejudice speaking.

Identity –

Fun to watch once. Unlike The Sixth Sense or Fight Club (two other “gimmick” movies that come to mind), I can’t see myself watching this again. Seems almost like it would have been more fun if it had been lower budget with unknown actors. I’d have had different expectations. Still, as said, fun to watch once.

Finder –

Dream Sequence. The latest collection from Carla Speed McNeil. I love this series. Probably would have hated it as a kid. Too much open ended, not spelled out clearly, stuff going on. I’m sure it’s all crystal in McNeil’s head. Her footnotes at the back of the book spell out a lot of the “what was that?” Recommended for any reader of SF, especially someone who enjoys Ursula LeGuin or Sheri S. Tepper.

Sitting Around With Mom

No. Not doing a damn thing that I consider fun or useful. The cat appreciates me donating a lap but she’d appreciate it more if I’d spend the time petting her rather than typing. Aged Mother is having breakfast. Should be done shortly. Which means anytime in the next hour.

Why am I spending the time telling y’all about it? Gawd. I don’t know. So many things to do today (and tomorrow and the next and the next) and huge chunks of the day are spent directing AM in taking care of basic survival functions. Her sophisticated human brain, now that it no longer works smoothly, seems more to hinder the process than to help. She gets stuck in thought loops. She knows she’s supposed to be doing something but can’t remember what it was. And it’s a rare thought seems able to go from point A to point B without taking a detour to X and then getting distracted by M.

She’s good natured about most of it. And when there is an upset it’s usually easy to distract her. And then she seems to forget.